With This Feeling in my core, please don't stay in my dreams!

Honestly speaking, I hate this place.
I go to you as my only escape.
I hold ties that were beat till they broke,
With you I heal, but on words I still choke..
Dont let this be a demented joke.

I did tell you I'd play pretend,
I never meant I was any good.
I'm hiding more than you see.
To not just crumple there on the floor,
It takes a lot from me. 
So sometimes I need fake laughter,
I really don't care that its not real.
Because If I do it loud enough,
It drowns your voice from my ears. 
And if I stare at the ground,
I don't have to see your eyes...
A brainiac of a girl you are,
You can see through this disguise.

This feeling thats in my core 
This feeling that is swimming inside me,
it is getting the best of me.
I've had this feeling for a short time,
but it feels like a long time.
The way you talk, bringing you down,
It's bringing me down, I'd like it if you stopped
It's strange, this feeling, its flowing through my body,
I love this feeling, I want it to continue it's course through my body.
Can I make it? Can I have it? May I have you?..
I'll keep you, save you, cherish you and love you!